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Amazing_Aliano
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Country: United Kingdom
Birthday: 4/29/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: I am interested in many things...
Erm, such as, anime, manga, drawing, writing, and erm, other stuff I can't think of right now.
Expertise: Eh? Job wise? Well, I work on checkouts... How dull.
I guess you could say I do art.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/17/2005
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| I'm so sick of it, and I'm tired, weary; I've taken as much as I can and I've got nothing left.
Nearly a week ago I asked Beth why she puts up with Michael, since he comes over, she makes them dinner with her own food that he doesn't contribute towards, then they have sex and usually again in the morning, they have a shower, she makes him another meal and he buggers off again. Every Thursday. I said he's just using her, because so far as I can see he is, he has said he doesn't want to go out with her but she thinks she's wearing him down but she didn't manage last year so what's so different about this year? She just said she didn't want to talk about it, I said she was being stupid and now she's not talking to me.
Which was fine. If she wants to behave like a child about it instead of discussing it and then probably us both ending without our minds changed, then fine.
She's completely blanking me, apart from just when I asked her for her share of money towards the house, where she was quite civil, but I don't expect that to last. She leaves the room whenever I enter, and I have to say, what have I done to deserve this?
I said what I said because I was concerned for, because she will end up getting hurt, and all I get in return is her not talking to me. So why do I bother? Why should I have to feel so bad? So I reached a decision today. I'm not putting up with it anymore. If she doesn't want to be my friend then so be it. I will be civil with her, I'll never invade her privacy or show her a lack of respect (though why I shouldn't I don't know, since she doesn't respect me, or anyone else, and I sometimes doubt she even respects herself) but we're not going to be friends again. Not like before. She just takes and takes and takes from me and I only get something back when she deigns to, and I can't go on like that.
I'm fed up of being used and having my friendship be abused. I don't make friends easily, and that's fine because the ones I do have are usually good ones, and right now I wish I had someone here. Instead I have to settle for sending this out on the internet where it'll never get read.
I can't wait until this year is over, because then I won't have to care anymore, it won't be any of my business because I won't be living with her anymore. Then she can do whatever the fuck she wants.
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| Hmm, that last entry was a tad depressing, but it was also over two months ago, so...
Anyway, I'm back at university (yay...) and so far I haven't done anything. Oh no, I'm falling behind already, like I did the last two years... I'm not going to let that happen though. I was going to be working on my learning journals last weekend, but the landlord finally decided to have our fire doors put in, and the guy installing them was here nine o'clock in the morning till half seven at night on Saturday, then again half nine till about one on Sunday. It's very hard to concentrate on work when there's somebody cutting out bits of your door frame so that the new door will fit... It also took us forever to get all the sawdust up, and there's still bits of wood appearing even now. Where is it all coming from??
Well anyway, I'm at work this weekend, and I'll need to try and negotiate having a weekend off soon, as there's an art trip to London on, the same weekend, coincidentally, that the London MCM expo is on, so if I go I may have to drop by that too...
But right now I need to get ready to go, as my train will be leaving in an hour and it takes about thirty minutes to walk into town.
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| That's all that can be said really. I made an impulsive decision and now I am regretting it.
I broke up with Amy...
...and I haven't stopped crying since. I thought... I don't know, I'm not even sure I was thinking. I let PMS get to me and now the one person I want to hold more than anything is the one person I can't. I just hadn't seen her for so long, and I over-thought the matter, convinced myself that there was something to worry about, and I just didn't know what to say to her when she texted me... She was right to be mad, and if she's smart, she'll never talk to me again. I miss her, but I don't deserve her.
Part of me just wants to go and find the biggest tub of chocolate ice cream I can find and drown in it and the other part wants to punish me by relinquishing food privileges because I'm fat. That'll be the self-loathing talking, but who's to say it's not right?
I'm supposed to be going out today with my friends up the wrekin, and I look a right state. I can't even breathe through my nose anymore. There's nothing I can do to make this right, and I deserve to be feeling this horrible and low because I am. I deserve everything that's coming to me.
Maybe I should throw myself off the wrekin... although it probably wouldn't have much effect, bloody hilly thing.
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| Firstly, as of two weeks ago on Saturday, I have a girlfriend. I wasn't expecting it, but I guess you never expect someone you like to like you back. Her name's Amy, she's tall, blonde and quirky, oh, and very sexy. She's also the reason for my last post, heh. I don't know where we're going, I don't know how long it's going to last, but I'm going to take it as it is and enjoy every minute I spend with her. My friends have all taken it well, and only one has asked me what my orientation is now. I guess I see myself as mostly liking guys, but occasionally a girl too.
Unfortunately not long after this I got tonsillitis, the bacterial kind. Apparently that meant I got to enjoy the tonsillitis-y goodness all by myself, yay. I was given penicillin for it, two tablets four times a day, either on an empty stomach or an hour before eating. Might I say, penicillin tastes disgusting. It worked, while I was taking it the tonsillitis went away, but it made me feel sick until I could have something to eat. Really nasty, blegh. Anyway, last week on Tuesday I finished the course, and then the following Friday my tonsillitis was back. Amy and Jo had colds and I caught that too, and when I went to the doctors on Monday she said that I might have a chest infection. Whoop-de-doo. Now I'm on Clarithromycin, another antibiotic. This one so far is better than penicillin. I only have to take one tablet twice a day, so one in the morning and one at night. They're huge tablets, but so far I've had no problem swallowing them. Shortly after taking them I cough up huge lumps of phlegm, mmm, nice. Better out than in though. Hopefully I'll get better soon.
On Sunday I turned twenty-one! Man, I feel old. Amy's still only nineteen, I feel like such a cradle snatcher. She does turn twenty in June, though, that's a little better. Saturday me and my friends went out to celebrate. We went to Birmingham to the Big Wok, an all-you-can-eat chinese buffet, and we were only given an hour to eat as they had a big party coming in after us, so we stuffed our faces as quickly as possible with as much as we could. We wandered around Birmingham for a bit and then back to Worcester to go out in the evening. Amy didn't feel well so she went home early, but we still managed to have a good time. On Sunday my parents came over and we went out for a meal. They bought me a phone which is really cool (I actually own a cool phone for once) and my nan gave me a hundred pounds. I don't know how she can afford it, she did the same for my brother and my cousins, but I'm grateful just the same. I'm going over on Friday when I'm back home to thank her properly. My mum says I have to buy something nice that I can keep with it and not save it or spend it on frivolous things, but I don't know what to get. I was thinking perhaps the entire series of Buffy on dvd, but would that come under frivolous? Hmm. I think my mum had something more like a necklace or something in mind. My mum also got me this shopping bag from Sainsbury's that has 'I'm NOT a plastic bag' written on it, made by a designer called Anya Hindmarch. At first I thought it was cool, but I thought five pounds sounded like bit much. My mum then produced a newspaper clipping saying that these bags are selling on ebay for about two hundred pounds. o.O I have to ask why, but then I guess it must be because it's designer. That's still a lot. I checked on ebay earlier and they're going for about seventy pounds now, which is still a lot for a shopping bag.
In other news, Beth is mad at me and not talking to me because I told her something true a week ago. That's fine though, if she wants to be immature and hold a grudge, that's her prerogative. I find it amusing. I have a peer assessment tomorrow as well, and I am so not ready for it, but that's nothing new. Apart from that, everything's shiny (been watching Firefly too much).
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